Another awards show where I wasn't consulted
This week I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. Obviously I’m fucked, but something that should’ve set alarm bells off was the fact that I forgot, or failed to notice, that the Emmys were on this week.
I’m being a tad overdramatic, as is my wont - really the blame lies squarely at the feet of the Emmys themselves. You’re supposedly television’s biggest night? Sorry, I didn’t actually notice on account of I was watching season 10 of Bones.
But I digress. The Emmys did in fact take place in Los Angeles this week, so I simply have no choice but to weigh in.
the fashion
Full notice: My Rules.
I am as biased as they come. If you acted in one of my top 10 favourite movies, you could frame me for murder and I would fall in love with you for bringing us into my own Gone Girl story. Not sorry, it’s just how it is.
If I don’t know who someone is i’m not going to judge their outfit. Because despite fashion being a relentless game I just think that’s unfair.
If Gillian Anderson shows up she gets a 10/10, no questions asked.
Now onto the looks.
Of note:
It’s for the best that I admit this up top: I am a Better Call Saul die hard. I will expand on this later but it’s helpful context for when I say Kim Wexler Rhea Seehorn walked into this awards show dressed for the award she deserved to win. More on this travesty at 9 (below).
Has Zendaya ever put a sartorial foot wrong in her life? I’m being deadly serious, even in her Shake It Up days of the Disney hyper-layering she absolutely ate. I have to admit I’m not as blown away by this as some of her other looks (please click on every one of those links), but I guess it’s virtually impossible to look bad when you’re that beautiful, graceful, cool and have Law Roach as a stylist.
I guess Sydney Sweeney’s stylist is a leftie, because they have made one of the hottest young women in the world right now look like Joan Collins circa Dynasty, and not in a good way. It’s actually more like they’ve tried to go for Bridgerton vibes, but fully missed the fact that that is not her look: the silhouette is too structured for her curves, the colour palatte is too mature, and the bustle-thing ?? Sydney you deserve better.
This look by Quinta Brunson is everything (although it is Dolce). A copper metallic dream. The perfect dress for a perfect winner, good for her.
Best supporting fashionistas:
Alexandra Daddario was giving goth J-Lo vibes. Another starlet rocking the one shoulder gown (better) was Kaitlyn Dever, whose performance in Dopesick I am still sobbing over.
HoYeon Jung looked incredible and stylish. But sometimes I wonder, do I just think this because she is insanely gorgeous and rail-thin? Probably. Still a look though.
Jeremy Strong is a funny one because I would have loved this look potentially, on someone else. This eccentric but adorable man gives off such intense, polar energy that I feel he either needs to go with a down the line, basic black tuxedo, or something completely off the wall. This middle-of-the-road effort just doesn’t do it for me.
Ella Purnell (of Yellowjackets fame, we stan) dressed exactly how I would’ve dressed if I had become famous when I was 20. Meanwhile, Juno Dawson in this dress gave me a panic attack because it’s exactly the kind of thing I would wear now (to the many red carpets I grace). I like to think I would wear something fun and adventurous to the Emmys, but if I’m honest with myself: if I was invited to the Emmys I would simply have another panic attack and either a) not go or b) go in a black dress and wish I’d stayed home and wrote shit about it on the internet.
Other awards:
It’s fine it but it’s not interesting enough to comment on - Reese, Chrissy Teigen, Issa Rae, Lily James, Laura Linney, Rachel Brosnahan, Ariana DeBose, Sandra Oh
-there’s an extremely thin line here-
Yaas but basic - Amy Poehler, Angela Bassett, Christina Ricci, Amanda Seyfried, Molly Shannon, Ayo Edibiri
2008 core - Hannah Waddingham, Sammi Hanratty, Kaley Cuoco
Meh - Connie Britton, Alex Borstein, Elle Fanning, Laverne Cox
I can’t excuse this - Rosario Dawson, Sarah Paulson
Men being basic - Seth Meyers, Freddie Highmore, Brett Goldstein, Karamo Brown, Ben Stiller, Park Sae-Hoo, Trevor Noah
Men doing too much - John Legend, Nicholas Braun
Men doing it just right - Kenan Thompson, Toheeb Jimoh, Andrew Garfield, Bob Odenkirk, Lee Jung Jae, Bowen Yang, Adam Scott
the awards
I barely even know where to begin with the actual awards. Especially because, as discussed above, a) I forgot they were occuring and thus had no opportunity to muse upon my wishes/predictions, and b) there were so many demonstrably, laughably wrong choices, that I’m beginning to feel this awards show has gone the way of the Golden Globes and does not need our attention at all.
However, I have decided to discuss my thoughts on the winners and not-winners in a not-dissimmilar way to the publications that take themselves too seriously: who won vs who really won (aka my opinion).
Outstanding Drama Series
Succession won, which I’m not mad about. I love Succession. However, as noted above, I’m a die hard Better Call Saul girlie, which makes this painful. Both Season 6a of BCS and Season 3 of Succession were fantastic, so I guess Succession being awarded is fine as long as they plan on giving it to BCS next year… I’m watching you closely you cowards…
Outstanding Comedy Series
Ted Lasso, won, YAWN. Season 2 veered way too hard into the twee, overly earnest drama - to its discredit. However this show is the new Mrs Maisel in that the Emmys just fall over themselves to shower it with awards, for some reason. Hacks was better, FYI.
Lead Actress - Drama
Look, Zendaya WAS outstanding, and we all know which episode of Euphoria she won this for (episode 5). But as great as her performance was, I cannot help but feel they’re awarding the MOST performance rather than the best. I was lukewarm on Ozark by the end but Laura Linney should’ve been recognised for her work.
Lead Actor - Drama
Lee Jung-Jae????? Over Bob Odenkirk. Over Jeremy Strong. They’re having an absolute laugh, a silly little joke.
Supporting Actress - Drama
This is by far my most controversial category. Julia Garner is fantastic, and deserved to win Best Supporting Actress - Drama. You will note, however, that Rhea Seehorn (of Better Call Saul fame) was nominated here - an absolute travesty. Kim Wexler was far and away the leading lady of BCS, her character absolutely pivotal to the whole series in every way. I can only surmise that the producers figured with such a stacked Lead Actress category that she’d be less likely to win, and thus nominated her here - a pragmatic, but ultimately foolish, cowardly, and dishonourable move. If Rhea is treated thusly in the Emmys 2023 I fear I will no longer be able to take this awards show seriously in any way.
Lead Actress - Comedy
Jean Smart for Hacks is correct.
Lead Actor - Comedy
Jason Sudeikis for Ted Lasso is boring to me, and his in-person speech could never top his deeply uninterested, sleep-deprived zoom call for his Golden Globes win.
Outstanding Limited Series
The White Lotus won, which is correct. Dopesick was also great, but in an era of television where it’s hard to stand out and do something different, The White Lotus did exactly that: Mike White gave us a razor-sharp commentary on class, death, and capitalism with the most instantly-iconic score I’ve heard in a while. Brava.
I’m too tired to comment any further on the Floppys. I’m sure you’ve had enough regardless. Onto the rest!!
In brief
Trisha Paytas, who I have previously avoided learning anything about, gave birth this week. I have now learned she is a Youtuber who seems to live by the rule of doing the most insane shit possible to drive her fame. Case in point, she named her baby Malibu Barbie. For that, I salute her.
My favourite boy Timothée Chalamet is clearly everyone’s favourite boy, because this week he was the first boy man to grace the cover of British Vogue. People are saying that the shoot, by Steven Meisel, is mid - I’m sorry, I can’t agree! Yes, Timmy looks like a 90s supermodel doing a shoot for Revlon, but what’s not to love about that?! This is what many of Meisel’s shoots look like, but that’s why I like him: he’s reliable, he’s consistent, he gets the job done!!
Queer Eye stars Antoni Porowski and Jonathan van Ness gave us a breathtakingly ridiculous queer-queerbaiting mess!! For those that missed it, on Wednesday JVN posted that they were “finally together” - “Details tomorrow, but know that we’re very happy and feeling supported by the people around us,” bookended with a heart emoji and a rainbow flag. It took the internet approximately 10 minutes to figure out they were launching a dog food “mix-ins and toppers” business. Whoever concieved this blatant cash-grab PR stunt needs to reassess their life choices.
Review: The Bear (2022)
Huge news: This is exclusively a The Bear (2022) newsletter now. After a few weeks of reading the buzz and seeing people thirsting over this chef-drama show on Twitter, I decided to give it a crack yesterday. All I have to say is….. Yes Chef!!!!
The Bear tells the story of Carmy (Jeremy Allen White), a professional chef who moves home to Chicago to run his family’s sandwich shop after his brother kills himself. I watched the entire season in one sitting, and afterwards sat by myself for a bit and contemplated the new person I was. Jeremy Allen White as Carmy is simply my dream man: I will spare you my thirsting, and let the above image do the talking for me. The whole cast is absolutely amazing (Ayo Edibiri is another standout), and the best part is it’s been renewed for season 2…. add it to the list of reasons to live, right next to Midnights!!!!
That’s it for me this week, thank you for making it this far through the detrietus of my obsessions! I’m going to go enjoy a smoothie and some sweet potato chips while lying on the couch. I’ll leave you with this simply delightful video of Julia Roberts and George Clooney, as we all gear up for Ticket to Paradise. Farewell lovers!!!!